a considerate skeleton
A considerate skeleton walks into a bar, he says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a mop."
Labels: funny
| Link It Up | 
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
your moment of zen
Jon Stewart is a genius. He has matured into a national leader, whether he likes it or not. Fake news has become a portal of truth in the vast array of 24 hour sensationalized fear instilling media. Call The Daily Show liberal, call it laughable, but never call it damaging and never attempt to supress the criticism of government. Remember, the side not in power is the side without the power to supress or distort the truth. The conflict between the followers and opposers of the president cannot be put in terms of liberal and conservative, it has become a conflict between the rational and the irrational, the educated and the ignorant, the New York Times readers and the NASCAR fans. Jon Stewart is on the rational side.
FOX News dialogue between Bill O'Reilly and John Stewart
I had no idea that 87 percent of Daily Show viewers are intoxicated.
Stewart on Crossfire with Tucker Carlson.
STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?
CARLSON: Thirty-five.
STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.
This comment is one glorious moment in one hell of an admirable appearance by Stewart on CNN.
Stewart post 9/11 monologue.
What an American and a journalist should be.
Stewart on Larry King
"We would make fun of something else, if government suddenly became inspiring, moved towards people's better nature, and began to solve problems in a rational way rather than just in a way that involved political dividends."
I realize that I am blowing Jon Stewart with this post, but nevertheless he is inspiring. He can argue all day long that he has no influence, I can vouch otherwise.
FOX News dialogue between Bill O'Reilly and John Stewart
I had no idea that 87 percent of Daily Show viewers are intoxicated.
Stewart on Crossfire with Tucker Carlson.
STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?
CARLSON: Thirty-five.
STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.
This comment is one glorious moment in one hell of an admirable appearance by Stewart on CNN.
Stewart post 9/11 monologue.
What an American and a journalist should be.
Stewart on Larry King
"We would make fun of something else, if government suddenly became inspiring, moved towards people's better nature, and began to solve problems in a rational way rather than just in a way that involved political dividends."
I realize that I am blowing Jon Stewart with this post, but nevertheless he is inspiring. He can argue all day long that he has no influence, I can vouch otherwise.
| Link It Up |
Sunday, March 26, 2006
draw it up.
drawball
Going off drawball, it appears as if the general world population has no artistic talent whatsoever. There are some great drawings though.
Jessica Alba on drawball. amazing.
Hokusai Wave
Going off drawball, it appears as if the general world population has no artistic talent whatsoever. There are some great drawings though.
Jessica Alba on drawball. amazing.
Hokusai Wave
| Link It Up |
Some Reasons I Tell Myself As To Why Staying In Reno For Spring Break Was Better Than Going To Mexico
*I didn't want to practice speaking Spanish.
*I sunburn easily.
*I don't like rowdy atmospheres where hot girls act like sluts and lose all inhibitions.
*What happens in Mexico doesn't stay in Mexico if it happens to be an STD.
*I enjoy freezing my ass off.
*Even though I love cheap Margaritas by the cubic meter, drinking Bud Lights inside with the two people who stayed in Reno was a much more responsible decision.
*I never would have downloaded Civilization 1 circa 1992.
*Being pasty white really accents my facial features.
*I would rather not patronize the Mexican economy.
*Montezuma's Revenge.
*The potential third time in jail would not have been a charm had it occurred in Mexican jail.
*Wet t-shirt contests objectify women.
*I sunburn easily.
*I don't like rowdy atmospheres where hot girls act like sluts and lose all inhibitions.
*What happens in Mexico doesn't stay in Mexico if it happens to be an STD.
*I enjoy freezing my ass off.
*Even though I love cheap Margaritas by the cubic meter, drinking Bud Lights inside with the two people who stayed in Reno was a much more responsible decision.
*I never would have downloaded Civilization 1 circa 1992.
*Being pasty white really accents my facial features.
*I would rather not patronize the Mexican economy.
*Montezuma's Revenge.
*The potential third time in jail would not have been a charm had it occurred in Mexican jail.
*Wet t-shirt contests objectify women.
| Link It Up |
Friday, March 24, 2006
Milk
Go to hell you potential osteoporosis candidate milk slandering whiny bitch. Milk just might be the greatest thing ever.
Furthermore, PETA is the biggest joke ever. Obviously animals need to be eaten, used for obsolete fashion, and produce milk for me to drink.
"But animals are so cute and stuff...feelings...blah blah blah." SHUT UP!!!!
If you want to protect animals, tell sharks or bears or kittens to mutate and gain an opposable thumb. Until then, I don't want to hear about it.
Furthermore, PETA is the biggest joke ever. Obviously animals need to be eaten, used for obsolete fashion, and produce milk for me to drink.
"But animals are so cute and stuff...feelings...blah blah blah." SHUT UP!!!!
If you want to protect animals, tell sharks or bears or kittens to mutate and gain an opposable thumb. Until then, I don't want to hear about it.
| Link It Up |
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Family of six survives two weeks of being stranded in an RV stuck in the snow.
A family driving through southwest Oregon in their RV encountered some bad weather, slid off the road, and was stranded in the Oregon wilderness. The family survived out there for sixteen days before sending out two of the members who found help.
Wow, what a story.....Sike! This story would be great if there was more than one member of the family killed by a bear, another dead of frostbite, and yet another eaten because they picked the shortest straw. This family, the Strivers were stranded in a 36 foot RV stocked with food, had propane for heat, and had fuel to generate electricity. People pay to stay in cottages smaller than this RV, heated by a fire, and which are probably more isolated and likely to be crossed by a bear. Surviving in a 36 foot RV with all the amenities still intact is not anything deserving of admiration. These fake ass outdoorsmen even had television.
"Wilderness rats" my ass. Try hiking firewood up a quarter-mile long driveway in winter storm conditions through four foot drifts every night for a month. If that RV was at the bottom, I would have been more than content to stay at the bottom.
Link
Wow, what a story.....Sike! This story would be great if there was more than one member of the family killed by a bear, another dead of frostbite, and yet another eaten because they picked the shortest straw. This family, the Strivers were stranded in a 36 foot RV stocked with food, had propane for heat, and had fuel to generate electricity. People pay to stay in cottages smaller than this RV, heated by a fire, and which are probably more isolated and likely to be crossed by a bear. Surviving in a 36 foot RV with all the amenities still intact is not anything deserving of admiration. These fake ass outdoorsmen even had television.
"Wilderness rats" my ass. Try hiking firewood up a quarter-mile long driveway in winter storm conditions through four foot drifts every night for a month. If that RV was at the bottom, I would have been more than content to stay at the bottom.
Link
| Link It Up |
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
What is there to win?
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush said Tuesday that he believes the United States will succeed in Iraq, and that if he didn't believe so, he would withdraw U.S. forces.
Implementing a national democracy during a time of civil strife in Iraq, what a proposition. Comprehending what this democracy will accomplish and how it is to the benefit of the United States is beyond me. Although I claim to have no great understanding of culture or government in the Middle East, I do know Islam will continue to govern the behaviors and habits of its inhabitants. A democracy stands a snowballs chance of hell of working in a tense civil and religious conflict.
Democracy will be rejected because the religious majority will easily seize control through majority rule and exercise their agenda with a constitution or without one nullifying the previously untested and untrusted system of government in the region. Although democracy has its roots not far from Iraq, it has become an Americanized symbol and institution, especially if America is the entity forcing it upon a nation. A Democratic system is just as likely to be shrugged off in Iraq because of their well founded general dislike of America as it is to fail because majority rule will continue to represent a religious majority, completely contradicting the system that is currently operating in America.
A few things about this bother me. One is that the president states that he believes that we can win the war in Iraq. What is there to win? The one and only thing that America should have and interest in in the Middle East is oil yet today I paid $2.63 a gallon for gasoline. I think I am missing the connection between a democracy in Iraq and me paying less for gas. Oh wait, there is no connection. Another is that over 300 billion dollars has been spent for what? A failed attempt at instilling a system of government which will inherently fail and a war which only increases anti-American sentiments in other parts of the world. I just don't see the incentives.
Over 2100 American troops have died and although I support those willing to fight for my freedom to type this, I wish that they were dying for a cause that I am supportive of. This war is not one for territory or retribution or defense, it is a war that is being conducted without Congressional approval, without public support, and one that America stands to gain nothing from.
What if America took those 300 billion dollars and spent them wisely domestically? What if Americans still had those 300 billion dollars and spent them as they pleased, which would in turn boost the domestic economy? What if we stayed the hell out of conflicts that weren't ours to fight and in turn set an example, an example worth fighting for to emulate? The American system could be the epitome of government if there was more domestic federal attention.
Lead by example not by coercion. Watch as the oppressed people in other countries follow the ideals of liberty and democracy. Democracy and freedom are ideals that are perhaps best learned from experience. Remember what this country is founded upon.
Implementing a national democracy during a time of civil strife in Iraq, what a proposition. Comprehending what this democracy will accomplish and how it is to the benefit of the United States is beyond me. Although I claim to have no great understanding of culture or government in the Middle East, I do know Islam will continue to govern the behaviors and habits of its inhabitants. A democracy stands a snowballs chance of hell of working in a tense civil and religious conflict.
Democracy will be rejected because the religious majority will easily seize control through majority rule and exercise their agenda with a constitution or without one nullifying the previously untested and untrusted system of government in the region. Although democracy has its roots not far from Iraq, it has become an Americanized symbol and institution, especially if America is the entity forcing it upon a nation. A Democratic system is just as likely to be shrugged off in Iraq because of their well founded general dislike of America as it is to fail because majority rule will continue to represent a religious majority, completely contradicting the system that is currently operating in America.
A few things about this bother me. One is that the president states that he believes that we can win the war in Iraq. What is there to win? The one and only thing that America should have and interest in in the Middle East is oil yet today I paid $2.63 a gallon for gasoline. I think I am missing the connection between a democracy in Iraq and me paying less for gas. Oh wait, there is no connection. Another is that over 300 billion dollars has been spent for what? A failed attempt at instilling a system of government which will inherently fail and a war which only increases anti-American sentiments in other parts of the world. I just don't see the incentives.
Over 2100 American troops have died and although I support those willing to fight for my freedom to type this, I wish that they were dying for a cause that I am supportive of. This war is not one for territory or retribution or defense, it is a war that is being conducted without Congressional approval, without public support, and one that America stands to gain nothing from.
What if America took those 300 billion dollars and spent them wisely domestically? What if Americans still had those 300 billion dollars and spent them as they pleased, which would in turn boost the domestic economy? What if we stayed the hell out of conflicts that weren't ours to fight and in turn set an example, an example worth fighting for to emulate? The American system could be the epitome of government if there was more domestic federal attention.
Lead by example not by coercion. Watch as the oppressed people in other countries follow the ideals of liberty and democracy. Democracy and freedom are ideals that are perhaps best learned from experience. Remember what this country is founded upon.
| Link It Up |
Monday, March 20, 2006
the current playlist
low - cracker
lovefool - the cardigans
long train runnin - the doobie brothers
breathe me - sia
ballroom blitz - sweet
sultans of swing - dire straits
colorblind - counting crows
bound to the floor - local h
neighborhood #3 (power out) - arcade fire
nugget - cake
tonight she comes - the cars
obstacle 1 - interpol
addiction - kanye west
lovefool - the cardigans
long train runnin - the doobie brothers
breathe me - sia
ballroom blitz - sweet
sultans of swing - dire straits
colorblind - counting crows
bound to the floor - local h
neighborhood #3 (power out) - arcade fire
nugget - cake
tonight she comes - the cars
obstacle 1 - interpol
addiction - kanye west
| Link It Up |
a tribute to Mitch Hedberg
The funniest guy I have ever come across.
*If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
*The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fucking relentless.
*This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a shit about, then you are winning, one to nothing."
*I have a cheese-shredder, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.
*I don't have a microwave but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
*I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude — you have to wait!"
*I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
*I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl that would be really mad if she heard me say that.
Hedberg Comedy Central Special
Hedberg on Letterman
Hedberg Quotes on wikipedia
Hedberg Official Site
*If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
*The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fucking relentless.
*This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a shit about, then you are winning, one to nothing."
*I have a cheese-shredder, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.
*I don't have a microwave but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
*I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude — you have to wait!"
*I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
*I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl that would be really mad if she heard me say that.
Hedberg Comedy Central Special
Hedberg on Letterman
Hedberg Quotes on wikipedia
Hedberg Official Site
| Link It Up |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
on putty. things to do with it.
*stretch it
*cut it with scissors
*snap it apart
*press it onto jeans
*taste it
*make it into funny shapes and bounce it
*ball it up
*cube it up
*squeeze it
*throw it at Sam's face
*take your fingerprint
*protest the current shape of the putty and then proceed to change the shape of it
*take a profile off a coin with it
*make a bubble and then pop it
*put it back into its egg holster
*cook it into an omlette
*flatten it
*make it your friend
*knead it
*admire the current shape and or texture of it
*use the putty as the inspiration for a list
*re-enact civil war battles with it
*fold it
*name it Baxter
*roll it up into a roll
*even though it doesn't resemble a plane, fly it around making plane noises
*smack it
*get its number and don't call it in the morning
*talk dirty to it
*do other things between consecutive playings with it
*rename it into an adjective like speedy or green
*conduct an experiment to find out if putty ever dries out
*measure the length of it
*question its voting record
*conclude that the buoyancy of it determines on its shape
*after kneading the paper towel remnants stuck onto it after a failed attempt to dry it off, compare it to the blobs on the Ocarina of Time which take your shield away
*if putty is of the glitter variety, attempt to extract the valuable glitter
*cheat on it
*rename it into an adverb like rapidly
*observe how well it demonstrates entropy
*oppress it
*take advantage of it when it's compromised
*pick it last for dodgeball
*punish it by subjecting it to a week straight of christmas music
*explain to it where putty comes from
*explain the reasons as to why it is not responsible enough to own a dog
*explain to it the defects of title ix
*cheer proudly when putty hits its first home run
*be jealous of its popuarity and association with hot girls
*give putty an overbearing 10:00 curfew
*get mad at it for not doing the dishes
*withhold sex from it as punishment for it stumbling in late last night
*pinch it
*dismiss its rebelliousness as just a phase
*cut it with scissors
*snap it apart
*press it onto jeans
*taste it
*make it into funny shapes and bounce it
*ball it up
*cube it up
*squeeze it
*throw it at Sam's face
*take your fingerprint
*protest the current shape of the putty and then proceed to change the shape of it
*take a profile off a coin with it
*make a bubble and then pop it
*put it back into its egg holster
*cook it into an omlette
*flatten it
*make it your friend
*knead it
*admire the current shape and or texture of it
*use the putty as the inspiration for a list
*re-enact civil war battles with it
*fold it
*name it Baxter
*roll it up into a roll
*even though it doesn't resemble a plane, fly it around making plane noises
*smack it
*get its number and don't call it in the morning
*talk dirty to it
*do other things between consecutive playings with it
*rename it into an adjective like speedy or green
*conduct an experiment to find out if putty ever dries out
*measure the length of it
*question its voting record
*conclude that the buoyancy of it determines on its shape
*after kneading the paper towel remnants stuck onto it after a failed attempt to dry it off, compare it to the blobs on the Ocarina of Time which take your shield away
*if putty is of the glitter variety, attempt to extract the valuable glitter
*cheat on it
*rename it into an adverb like rapidly
*observe how well it demonstrates entropy
*oppress it
*take advantage of it when it's compromised
*pick it last for dodgeball
*punish it by subjecting it to a week straight of christmas music
*explain to it where putty comes from
*explain the reasons as to why it is not responsible enough to own a dog
*explain to it the defects of title ix
*cheer proudly when putty hits its first home run
*be jealous of its popuarity and association with hot girls
*give putty an overbearing 10:00 curfew
*get mad at it for not doing the dishes
*withhold sex from it as punishment for it stumbling in late last night
*pinch it
*dismiss its rebelliousness as just a phase
| Link It Up |
Thursday, March 16, 2006
entertainment
Mario with yellow pants and sweet backflips. Fancy Pants
Am I a bad driver if I do more No's than Yes's? Yes and No
Whales? probably not. Funny? yes. How It Will End
Platypus Parasol. Semi Automatic Aqua. Word Disassociation
Like lemonade stand with bad food and deforestation McDonald's
Am I a bad driver if I do more No's than Yes's? Yes and No
Whales? probably not. Funny? yes. How It Will End
Platypus Parasol. Semi Automatic Aqua. Word Disassociation
Like lemonade stand with bad food and deforestation McDonald's
| Link It Up |
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
March Madness
The NCAA Basketball tournament is hands down the best sporting event in the world. A 65 team free for all. There are maybe ten teams that have a legitimate shot to win it all but the other 55 teams are playing with reckless abandon while ready and willing to knock off the favorites. Six games in row against never seen before opponents in often hostile conditions under a national spotlight is all it takes. I think I might take the month off school and put spend some quality time with my leather couch and television.
Growing up in Virginia City, we always had an annual school sponsored pool, two bucks per entry came out to be around 80 dollars to the winner. What an experience. It could be basically summed up as widespread underage gambling but being in Nevada no one thought twice about the legality of it. I won the thing twice, gaining hostile comments from the Principal and teachers who were also in on it, and at lest ten times the money I put up.
The past few years, Nevada has made the tournament riding teams led by Kirk Snyder and Nick Fazekas, knocking off teams like Michgan State, Gonzaga, and Texas. There is nothing more satisfying than watching your underdog team pull off an upset of a higher ranked school.
Nevada is on a 14 game winning streak, heres to hoping they make it to twenty.
Go Pack!
Growing up in Virginia City, we always had an annual school sponsored pool, two bucks per entry came out to be around 80 dollars to the winner. What an experience. It could be basically summed up as widespread underage gambling but being in Nevada no one thought twice about the legality of it. I won the thing twice, gaining hostile comments from the Principal and teachers who were also in on it, and at lest ten times the money I put up.
The past few years, Nevada has made the tournament riding teams led by Kirk Snyder and Nick Fazekas, knocking off teams like Michgan State, Gonzaga, and Texas. There is nothing more satisfying than watching your underdog team pull off an upset of a higher ranked school.
Nevada is on a 14 game winning streak, heres to hoping they make it to twenty.
Go Pack!
| Link It Up |
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Barry, this is all the proof I need.
I don't need a book to tell me that Barry Bonds is juiced up. He shoots up more nuke than Ivan Drago from Rocky IV. Steroids are obviously prevalent in baseball and something should be done to keep the record books from becoming a joke. Home runs are entertaining, but if and when Major League Baseball cracks down on steroid use, expect to see those home run numbers fall off harder than Tony Danza.
Barry Bonds in a Pirates uniform looks like Hank Aaron in any uniform he ever wore. Barry Bonds in a current Giants uniform looks like a big asterisk.
Bonds broke his bat and still hit a home run. Period. End of story. Fans outside of San Francisco hate you. Why don't you hang up the cleats (and the syringes for that matter) and call it a career? Hank did it with no 'performance enhancers' and through the civil rights movement. Hank had pitchers throw at his head instead of pitching away. He received daily death threats while you just receive injections.
756 will come with a huge asterisk if it is achieved by Barry Bonds.
| Link It Up |
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
some lists. some hilarious lists.
These are truly a creative riotous breath of fresh air.
tribute to Z. Karmiol. no, too obvious. to Zach K.
Last Night's Top Five Alphabet-Soup Spoonfuls.
Phrases I Hope Never Appear in Front of My Name in Print.
Rejected Bond Girls
Methods Other Than Song by Which One Can Be Killed Softly.
Hot New Color Trends for 2006.
Geometric Relationships More Realistic Than the Love Triangle.
| Link It Up |
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Fill in the Letter
This test is entertaining. I got twenty one before I got frustrated and looked up the answers.
13 S in the U S F
Let me know how many you get...some are kind of obscure.
13 S in the U S F
Let me know how many you get...some are kind of obscure.
| Link It Up |
Spread The Word
